Today is the day

Its a busy day today. Well if you class chatting to Charlotte about stuff while lounging around busy... at 4pm I'll be super busy ofcourse!

Doctors = 4pm
Charlotte seeing doc at = 4:10
Vets = 4:40

Wish is was Vets then Doctors..

What am I going to do if my baby is gone? What if the little thing inside of me that i'm already classing as Grape the 2nd, is dead. I am trying to get my head around the fact that its a possiblity. But I keep hoping.

When I was sick yesterday I hoped it was a sign, the fact my breasts hurta tiny bit that it was a sign.

I don't know how I am going to cope if its bad news. How can my body take out something so innocent, something I want so badly. Something that will make me feel whole again. WHY?!

I know I get excited when Im waiting for things, and hours seem like days, days feel like weeks. But i get through.

Yet I dont feel excited, I feel dread. I'm already thinking the baby is a boy. Which probably means its another girl. I want to smile over the fact I am wrong, that I was wrong last time. But I can't.

How can I smile over something that may never be a girl or boy..

only 3 more hours to go...