I knew I loved you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjnmICxvoVY&ob=av2e


This song makes me think of Sophie a lot. I was just browsing through old bands that I liked, and this song instantly made me think of her.

I often think about the lyrics

"I knew I loved you before I met you"

As it is true, I loved her before I met her. Feeling her move within me, feeling her sharp kicks in t my ribs. Loving how her an her Daddy bonded at night time when we're meant to be going to sleep. I loved her. At 12 weeks when I went to see her as a "real baby" rather than the sack I was so used to seeing in the early weeks.
She was so beautiful. She had an amazing nose, and as soon as I saw it I was in love. She could have asked for the moon and stars, I'd have died trying to give them to her.

"Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant"

You do see your future when you hold your baby, and when holding my Ben I saw a future of this little boy running around, filling my house full of laughter and happiness that my husband and I had been starved of since we lost Sophie..
But before Ben, I held Sophie. And I didn't get to see her eyes, but I imagine they were blue just like her Daddy's. I held her, while she was still alive, knowing she would soon die. And to have my daughter die in my arms, and see that all my hopes and dreams were no longer going to come true. It broke something inside of me.
I knew as I looked down at my baby girl, that had died not seconds before that my life would be bleak with out her.


" I think I dreamed you in to life"

Most of us did dream about our children before they were born. I know I did. I dreamed to get away from the stress I was having with my mother. I dreamed of the day that my daughter and I will be far away from her. Living with my huband, and we'd be happy. I dreamed of her having my husbands eyes, his hair colour, his beautiful mouth. And she did, I am guessing about the eyes but she had the rest!
She was my beautiful little red head.


"And in your eyes I see the missing pieces I have been searching for"
When I look at Sophie's pictures I see my families missing piece. When we go to the park, and Ben plays with a girl around Sophie's age, reminds me of that mising piece.
We won't find that missing piece as it's already gone.
But anything and everything that remind us of them will remind us that we are no longer whole, no longer the same person who smiled as easy as they did before. Or the same person who laughed at something random.
We are different. But it's because of our love for our children that makes us different.